So, it’s been a couple of months since I posted anything on the site and the reason for that is because I’ve not had any motivation to go through the motions that come with writing about this club. Two other big reasons are that it’s not been worth it financially to post as much as I was and I’ve been teaching more at a school that I’ve really grown to enjoy working at. So something had to give…
Now, that said, in the free moments I’ve had since the fire in my belly died down I’ve taken to this new ChatGPT fad going around and what I’ve found is something I’d like to share with you.
Basically, I’ve created a prompt on ChatGPT that will rewrite what I want in a specific style or voice that I find extremely hilarious and until I can’t use that profile anymore, I want to use it to spice up some of the blogs and articles that are being posted in the Oilogosphere. I don’t know how often I’m going to get around to it, but if the response is good, I will make the utmost effort to provide you with as much as I can.
Be forewarned though, these posts are not for those who get offended easily, are afraid of profanity, or prefer their articles stats heavy or G-Rated. They will be quite the opposite in fact.
I don’t mean any harm with this new series. So, please, take the following with a grain of salt and be aware of what you’re getting into should you decide to continue scrolling. It’s all parody.
Therefore, with all that out of the way, I present to you the latest from Adam Larskaris of The Daily Hive IN THE STYLE OF… Kenny Powers! Enjoy
Campbell Contract = Oilers’ Dumbass Move
Listen up, you sorry-ass Oilers fans! What were you thinking when you signed Jack Campbell to a $25 million, five-year deal? Did you think he was the second coming of Patrick Roy? Well, newsflash, idiots, he’s been playing like a sack of shit! And you know what? It’s not even his fault! He’s just not that good, and he never was! What were you expecting, that he was going to be the next Carey Price? Ha! Dream on! Campbell has been getting his ass kicked by Stuart Skinner, who should have been the Oilers’ starting goalie from day one.
But it’s not just the Oilers’ fault for signing Campbell to a long-term contract. The Leafs were also stupid for letting him go. You know who they have now? Matt Murray and Ilya Samsonov! And they’re doing way better than Campbell, who can’t seem to stop a puck if his life depended on it. It’s almost embarrassing to watch him play, to be honest.
And don’t even get me started on Campbell’s stats this season. Sure, he has a record of 17-8-4 in 30 games, but that’s only because the Oilers have been winning despite his crappy goaltending. His goals-against average is 3.39, and his save percentage is .887. I mean, seriously, what the hell is that? Only 10 of his 30 starts have seen him allow two goals or less. That’s pathetic. The Oilers are lucky to be winning any games with him in the net.
Now, don’t get me wrong, Campbell has had a good game or two, but that’s not enough to justify his contract. He’s been inconsistent throughout his career, and the Oilers should have known that before signing him. His save percentage was .893 in the second half of last season with the Leafs, and he’s only brought it up to .894 since joining the Oilers. And yet, general manager Ken Holland seems to think that Campbell will eventually come around. Well, good luck with that, buddy.
The Oilers could have avoided this whole mess if they had just opted for a shorter-term solution. But no, they had to go all in on Campbell, hoping that he would somehow magically become a great goalie overnight. And now they’re paying the price for it. Meanwhile, Stuart Skinner has been waiting in the wings, just itching to get his chance. And boy, has he delivered! If the Oilers had given him more time in the crease before this season, they wouldn’t be in this mess right now.
So, Oilers fans, you better start praying that Campbell figures things out soon, or else it’s going to be a long, miserable five years. And if I were you, I’d start chanting “We want Skinner!” at every game until the coaches finally give in. Trust me, it’s your only hope.
