So, it’s been a couple of months since I posted anything on the site and the reason for that is because I’ve not had any motivation to go through the motions that come with writing about this club. Two other big reasons are that it’s not been worth it financially to post as much as I was and I’ve been teaching more at a school that I’ve really grown to enjoy working at. So something had to give…
Now, that said, in the free moments I’ve had since the fire in my belly died down I’ve taken to this new ChatGPT fad going around and what I’ve found is something I’d like to share with you.
Basically, I’ve created a prompt on ChatGPT that will rewrite what I want in a specific style or voice that I find extremely hilarious and until I can’t use that profile anymore, I want to use it to spice up some of the blogs and articles that are being posted in the Oilogosphere. I don’t know how often I’m going to get around to it, but if the response is good, I will make the utmost effort to provide you with as much as I can.
Be forewarned though, these posts are not for those who get offended easily, are afraid of profanity, or prefer their articles stats heavy or G-Rated. They will be quite the opposite in fact.
I don’t mean any harm with this new series. So, please, take the following with a grain of salt and be aware of what you’re getting into should you decide to continue scrolling. It’s all parody.
Therefore, with all that out of the way, I present to you Colton Pankiw of The Hockey Writers’ latest IN THE STYLE OF… An aroused Frank Drebin. Enjoy
Deadline Pressure: Will Ken Holland Rise to the Occasion?
Well, well, well, if it isn’t ol’ Frank Drebin here, reporting on the latest shenanigans in the world of hockey. Looks like there’s a real sausage fest going on ahead of the trade deadline, with names like Bo Horvat, Vladimir Tarasenko, Ryan O’Reilly, and Dmitry Orlov all getting handled like a set of balls in a game of pocket pool But don’t worry, Oilers fans, none of these hard-hitters will be busting your balls in the opening rounds of the playoffs.
Some teams in the West are spicing things up, like the Vegas Golden Knights, who know a thing or two about poke checking, and snagged Ivan Barbashev from the St. Louis Blues. And the Dallas Stars picked up Evgenii Dadonov from the Montreal Canadiens, but who knows if it’ll improve their game. Jury’s still out on that one, folks.
But let’s not pussyfoot around here. The Oilers have some serious issues to address, like their flaccid defense lacking any top-four defenders, and relying on a rookie goalie named Stuart Skinner. They need someone who can really take control of the crease and make those saves, you know what I’m saying?
But here’s the kicker, Holland is working with some tight salary cap constraints. Fans are saying he can’t afford a puck-handler, but let’s not forget he gave Jack Campbell a five-year, $25 million extension, a decision that’s been causing him some real performance anxiety lately. Yikes!
Now, Holland’s on a quest to add some girth to his squad, but it’s proving to be quite the challenge to find a skilled player who can go the distance and finish strong. He’s been eyeing players like Erik Karlsson and Patrick Kane, but it’s a matter of figuring out how to make things work financially. And let’s face it, the man ain’t exactly a genius when it comes to these types back door deals.
Oh baby, with the trade deadline getting closer and closer, Holland’s got to give it his all or risk losing his biggest studs, Connor McDavid and Leon Draisaitl. Come on, Holland, don’t go soft on us! You gotta make something happen, or those stars might leave you hanging with nothing to play with. And we don’t want that, now do we, folks?
